Tackling Family During COVID

Nabeeha Islam

This pandemic has taught me one thing, and that is to appreciate having a bathroom next to my bedroom. I can’t explain how thankful I am to be able to run to my bathroom and have the excuse of my bowel system to get away from the madness that can explode in my house. ​

With everyone stuck in this house, it's rare to get a moment alone to myself. I have limited options for places to be by myself, like my room and the bathroom, both of which can be tricky. My bedroom doesn't have a lock on it, so it's useless in giving me any privacy. Anyone and everyone can strut right in and plop on my couch, interrupting me from practicing my cover of “Can’t Stop Me” by TWICE in my mirror. Rude, right. The bathroom is my only other safe space, but when you're living in a house where there are only two bathrooms, it's only natural that you’ll eventually get an angry family member banging the door asking you to get out. In conclusion, there's nowhere to run during this pandemic.  

On a more serious note, it can be a genuine issue, living with family during the pandemic and the tension it can cause. As for me, my family and I thankfully get along- for the most part. Of course, like any other family, we tend to get into squabbles with one another. However, on a bad day, those petty and trivial fights can snowball into something worse. At those times, it feels suffocating to be stuck in my house. I feel like there’s nowhere for me to go and let out my feelings. It can be difficult to cry, in fear that someone might hear me from the other room, and the last thing I’d want is people questioning me when I already feel horrible. During these times, I like to go through a few steps:

1. Breathing. This might sound a bit ironic, since we literally need to in order to live, but hear me out. During anxiety attacks or just stressful times in general, where the root of your stress is right downstairs, it's good to use your imagination to feel like you’re in a wider space, where you can breathe easily. 
   
2. Try to imagine a scenario where you felt undeniably happy. For me, I like to imagine times before quarantine, such as going to Starbucks with my friends after we finished our classes. It’s easier to get through a tough time when there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. With something to look forward to, such as going on Starbucks runs with your friends, life feels purposeful again.
   
3. Reaching out to friends has also tremendously helped me. My friends and I might take this tip a bit too far, considering we like staying on call for nearly the entire day! Still, it feels like I’m going about my day with others, rather than it being me and the same three people I live with every day. There are also things I feel more comfortable sharing with friends rather than family. Having people by my side makes me feel less alone, especially when there's too much tension with my family, making it hard to open up to them. 
   
4. Lastly, while this might be asking a lot from yourself, try to make a conversation about whatever topics you and your family are tense about if they can be solved through a bit of understanding one another. Sometimes, we forget that we have the option of addressing the issue, which can end up solving 80% of the problem. 
   

Living through this pandemic has been mentally frustrating. None of us have ever spent so much time with family; the time spent at school or work prevented us from knowing how much of a difference there is between living with family and living with family. From the moment we wake up to when we’re ready to call it a night, there's always someone in the house with their agenda, which can feel like a disruption to our own. When I’m trying to live that ~aesthetic~ life, by waking up to some coffee and a nice hot shower, I’m quickly reminded that there are other people around when I hear the sound of my baby brother crying in his room as he wakes up from a nightmare. As much as I love him and the rest of my family, it feels like a moment of peace never lasts long enough for me. For me, the best thing to do when I feel this specific type of frustration is to take comfort in knowing I’m not the only one. I like to read pieces on people and how they are surviving through the pandemic to remind myself that others are also going through similar situations as me. I also go back to the tips I shared, such as talking it out with friends and hearing about the struggles they’ve been facing with tensions with their families. Rather than bottling feelings up, it can be helpful to let it all out. 

Using these tips will unfortunately not take away your issues with family, but I’ve noticed that from my experience, it can give me the courage to face and address them, rather than resorting to resenting them and myself. 

Nabeeha Islam, Benjamin N. Cardozo High School
Staff Writer

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